Ever wonder why you start off strong when trying to make a change in your life, only to lose your drive within a matter of weeks? One day you’re determined and kicking ass, the next day it’s a chore to do the thing you know you should be doing.
It could be you trying to get better with girls, weight you’re trying to lose, or a business you’re trying to build. The end goal can be anything important to you and your journey for inner game, it doesn’t matter. Some days it seems effortless to stick to your plan and other days it feels like everything is stacked against you, no matter how hard you try to motivate yourself.
“Yeah but it’s Sarah’s birthday today and she brought a cake in for the office, I guess I can break my diet this once.”
“Nah I’m not really feeling that social tonight. I’m gonna stay in and watch some Netflix.”
These are the days you make excuses and listen to that little voice inside your head that tries to prevent you from succeeding. Here’s how to shut that little fucker up and take control: use push and pull motivators.
Push and pull motivators
Think back to when you first start any new pursuit. I like to use dieting as an example because it’s such a common frustration for a lot of guys, but this obviously applies to pickup and social dynamics as well.
Think back to the last time you made a resolution to get better at something: what made you start in the first place? Did you look in the mirror one day and realize you needed to lose some weight? Or maybe you got rejected by a girl and you vowed to get better with women. This is called a push motivator and is any state or experience you want to push yourself away from. This is how the majority of people motivate themselves and it works great!
With push motivators you’re really fired up at the beginning because the push stimulus is so prominent in your mind. But as you start to improve and time passes the sting of the push motivator starts to fade, and so does your energy and motivation.
As you probably guessed, a pull motivator is a goal that inspires you to achieve it. It’s not something you should ever feel you have to work for; a true pull motivator is something that, if you do not achieve it, you might as well be dead. You’ll never become better at talking to women if you have to force yourself to do it every night. You have to truly want to do it, otherwise you’ll never achieve your true potential.
I’ve seen so many guys get frustrated with their inability to attract women and start on a journey of personal development, only to quit 3 months later when they get comfortable and start dating the first girl they hook up with. Or they lose 5-10 pounds, see a bit of a difference in the mirror, and decide it’s good enough and quit their diet there.
Self improvement isn’t a weekend retreat or an epic vacation. It isn’t even a 3 month backpacking trip across eastern Europe. Self improvement is a lifelong journey that rewards endurance and consistency.
Do some thinking and identify some pull motivators in the key areas of your life you’d like to improve. Once you know what those are, realize that pursuing them is the most important thing you can be doing with your time and don’t settle for anything less than the best. You’ll be amazed at how much easier getting what you want becomes when you focus on what really matters and put everything else on pause.
All you have to do is reframe your own motivations and see yourself moving toward a kickass future instead of moving away from a shitty past. I know which way I’d rather do things.