One of the best analogies I’ve seen to developing solid inner game with women is the inner mindset, the tao, of guys that are able to maintain extreme levels of leanness year-round. I walk around at ~8% bodyfat most of the year which, while not model-lean, is enough to have visible abs and turn some heads whenever I hit the beach.
The journey to maintaining this kind of leanness year-round was an essential component of how I developed my true inner game. It helped me sort out my own issues, and I’m confident it can work for you as well.
The dieter’s mindset
Let’s start with your typical dieter: someone who wakes up one day and isn’t satisfied with what he sees in the mirror.
“Man, where did these extra pounds come from? I should start dieting and working out to drop a few inches by beach season...”
So our dieting bro (DB) picks a diet – let’s say a low carb diet – and decides he’s going to stick to it for a month and see what kind of results he can get. Day 1 is great: he feels better that he’s taking action and the diet isn’t that hard to stick to. Days 2 and 3 are good as well- he’s starting to see some results which is also motivating.
Then day 4 hits. DB has depleted his body’s carb stores and he starts to feel lethargic and sluggish. He pushes through the day knowing he’s on the right track and making progress, but it’s tough. Finally, on day 5 he hangs out with some friends and they break out a bag of chips. DB rationalizes that he’s been good all week so he lets himself have a handful of chips.
But since DB has deprived himself of the carbs he really wants for the past 5 days he doesn’t stop there – on the way back from his friend’s place he hits up a Jack in the Box and orders some burgers and fries. The next day he wakes up and feels guilty that he broke his diet plan and one of 2 things will happen:
- Either he’ll fall off the diet “since it’s already ruined anyways” and keep eating junk foods or…
- He’ll redouble his efforts to make up for his late night bender and cut carbs even lower. But 2 or 3 days later he can’t handle the carb deprivation and does the same thing all over again. Rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
To any guys that have tried to diet in the past, does this sound at all familiar? This is why 80% of dieters regain the weight they lost and then some to ultimately ended up worse-off than when they started.
So where did DB fail?
He had a plan, and it looked like he was going to see it through, but got derailed. DB knows that dieting is important- for both his health and physical attractiveness- but he can’t seem to stick to the plan no matter what he does.
DB’s problem is that he used the word “diet” in the first place. Saying you’re going on a diet implies it’s something you’re just doing for a period of time to lose a few pounds. After the diet is over most dieters return to the same old shitty eating habits that made them overweight in the first place. All they’ve done is successfully transplanted a fat person’s mindset into a thin person’s body. It’s only a matter of time until that inner voice wins out and undoes all the hard work put in during the diet.
Now imagine for a moment you were an athlete that was naturally ripped year round, and imagine one day you woke up to find that you had somehow gained 20 pounds of fat overnight. Besides shock at what had happened, your first thought would probably be to get right back on track and keep doing the activities and habits that made you ripped in the first place. It wouldn’t take much effort to lose the weight, because in your mind you’re already 6% body fat despite what the mirror tells you. All you have to do is keep acting like your usual ripped self and you’d eventually lose the weight.
Are you starting to see the power your mindset has over your actions?
The path to becoming THAT guy we all want to be isn’t a 30 day diet or workout routine. It’s a total mindset shift that can take months or years to achieve. The beauty is, you can achieve this mindset in one area of your life and watch as the other areas of your life also start to improve.
I originally started lifting weights for shallow reasons- I only wanted to be more attractive to women. I was trying to get ripped to improve my external value and get more women to like me for my looks. But because I was doing it for other people instead of doing it for myself, I never achieved the level of success I had hoped for.
Only after working on my inner game did I see where I was going wrong with my attempts to diet, and over the past year I’ve effortlessly maintained sub-10% body fat. I went from forcing myself to stick to diet after diet to wanting to eat healthy year round and my life has improved everywhere as a result.
There’s also that convenient side effect that I look great and feel great about myself, which is so attractive to women that it has improved my actual inner game to new unprecedented levels. I look damn good which makes women attracted to me, which in turn makes me feel comfortable in my own skin, which is even more attractive to women and so the cycle continues.
The take home point from all this is that inner game has applications far beyond meeting and picking up women. Fixing your inner game will improve every single area of your life as long as you approach it with the right mindset. Stop restricting yourself with “diets” that are bound to fail eventually and start moving toward a life you’re really excited and passionate about, and the rest will take care of itself.